Saturday, May 25, 2013

Instigator of All Instigators

Read Ester Lighthorse's newest book today!  

 I think it is utterly hilarious how some representatives of Christianity just cannot seem to come to terms with how violent a religion this Bible-based faith of theirs is. And it does not matter where in the world the war is taking place many in Christianity are quick to stir the pot of the End-Times Stew hoping to be proven correct about the Bible being totally true as the world goes up in a big ball of flames.
     Many within Christianity would be loathe to admit that they persistently stir the pots in any kitchen they might enter. Some of them will even tell you that they are doing the Lord's work in accordance with the End-Times dogma of one denomination or other.
     So what is it exactly that these fanatics, zealots and Bible-thumpers are hearing from God or Jesus? What is it exactly that God and Jesus are telling them to do? Well, luckily someone came across a correspondence between these fanatics and their God (God the Instigator) that very clearly shows what it is exactly that they are being divinely encouraged to do. Enjoy.

Setting the Stage for a Good Old Fashioned Riot
By: God the Instigator

Are you tired of the same old humdrum monotony of everyday life? Do you find yourself to be going insane with a lack of excitement? If so, I now offer to you one of the best ways to spice up your life: Plan and execute a good old fashioned riot.

Riots are without a doubt one of the best ways with which to cure chronic boredom. Riots have also been known to result in very interesting and palatable side effects to include helping or hindering political agendas and assisting individuals in getting away with murder. The rioting crowds that gathered around the Berlin Wall helped to bring it down with a resounding thud. During the year 2000 Presidential Elections in the United States, a time when the entire world directed its eyes and ears to a situation that was really quite hilarious, the threat of crowds mass rioting helped to stop the court proceedings that would most certainly have proven the proclaimed winner a lying cheat. Pity. I bet ‘The People’ would have enjoyed a couple of days of burning cars, destroying buildings, and calling in sick to work.

I did say riots could help an individual get away with murder, right? Well, here is the proof. The jury that found a certain aged football hero not guilty of two murders did so not because they thought he was actually not guilty. With visions of looters rummaging through businesses as though they were searching for Easter eggs and visions of thugs beating the piss out of countless innocent citizens still fresh in their memory, the jury found him not guilty because they realized that Los Angeles was not prepared to weather another riot so soon on the heels of the last one. Such a shame. If the jury could have held out for another six months I bet the city could have worked up enough capital for at least a three day riot.

Speaking of capital, what many people fail to realize is with a little genius and a lot of savvy, money can be made on riots. Remember that defunct Berlin Wall? Did you know many people earned loads of money selling off pieces of the wall as souvenirs? Super idea.

So, once you have decided that you want to have a riot it is important to consider proper rioting techniques. Failure to do so will result in your riot being a dud and not worth any jail time you may earn. The most important point to consider is where to have your riot. Riots and real estate share the first three important rules of location, location, location. Choose a location that will help your riot bloom and develop into full scale chaos. Top riot locations include elections, natural disasters, weddings, funerals, downtowns of major cities, abortion clinics, country border towns, courthouses, schools, church, the mall, and sports stadiums.

In reality there are only three locations that are not riot friendly. These are your home, the library, and a casino. You should never host a riot in your home. A home riot would most certainly destroy everything you own. Of course, if you are going through a bitter divorce and know your ex will probably be awarded half of everything you own, then definitely have a riot in your home. That way, your bitch or asshole of an ex can have everything…but it won’t be worth dick!

Rioting at a library is completely unrealistic since most libraries are dreadfully small and cannot hold the adequate numbers of people necessary to sustain your riot. Such a shame, since a book thrown like a screwball makes a wonderful weapon. Casinos are the last of the riot unfriendly locations and there are two reasons for this. First, casinos are always crawling with wanna-be cops, real cops, and other security personnel both armed and unarmed. Secondly, the majority of gamblers are very one-track minded and will not budge from their slot machines or card tables as they could give two shits and a rat’s ass about your riot.

Once you have decided on and mapped out your riot location you are ready to begin. All you need to do in order to begin is proclaim your beef. This means that as loudly as possible you should let everyone around you know what your problem is. If you can’t think of a problem simply make one up. Here are four examples: 1) “The governor smokes crack!” 2) “The moon landing was a hoax!” 3) “All banks have shut down and there is no more money!” 4) “California has just annexed Mexico!” Also, make use of catchy and incendiary slogans such as, “Hell no! We won’t go!”, “No justice, no damn freedom!”, “Give me liberty or give me death!”, “F**k the establishment!”, and “Power to the people!”

Carrying picket signs is a wonderful way to add to the chaotic ambiance of the situation. However, you will want to make sure that you are using a picket sign with a wooden handle. This is because later on down the line you may wish to stick the sign up a cop’s ass to make a copsicle, or use it as a general weapon. Cops are quick to frisk people for the usual weapons, confiscating such items. However, for some reason they overlook the likelihood  of picket signs being used as weapons.

Be sure that you are very, very over-dramatic in whatever it is you are doing. Ripping and tearing your clothing is a great way to increase crowd tensions as you will come across as a complete nut. What is even better, while you are whooping and hollering your issue drop to your knees, look up to the sky as if you are awaiting the return of Jesus the Messiah, and tear your shirt. This will make you appear as some type of martyr requesting help from God. 
Once you find a way to mix a little religion in with any riot it will automatically raise the riot to a higher and more deliciously dangerous situation. Trust me, nothing beats watching religious groups, even assumed religious groups duke it out. Seriously. Take the Protestants and Catholics in England and Ireland, for example. They’ve been fighting forever and I’m still not bored watching them fight.

Now that you have started the first real steps of beginning your riot start turning up the heat. Turn around and give the people closest to you a good, hard shove. If possible, knock them down to the ground. If they do not respond aggressively simply spit on them or kick them in the nuts. Congratulations! You are now a hair’s breadth away from full scale riot.

It is now at this point that you should take the first real destructive action by throwing something through a window. For whatever reason the sound of tinkling glass puts people into a frenzy. Toss a postal box through the nearest window and follow this action by shouting and chanting while you pump your fist in the air as though you have accomplished something really spectacular.

You have the full attention of the masses now so stoke the hot ember’s of the riot’s anger by proceeding to throw  more items through windows. Throw bricks through windows as though you were practicing for the Olympic Shot-Putt. If you throw like a girl get the guy next to you to throw it by promising him sex. If you do not have bricks remember that rocks will serve as a suitable substitute. City bus stop benches are a great novelty to toss, however due to their immense weight it will be necessary to enlist the aid of at least four fellow rioters.

You are now entering the exciting phase of full-blown riot. Overturn all cars in the vicinity by rocking them back and forth. For best effects do this to cop cars. Make some Molotov Cocktails for hot and spectacular excitement. Remember, since no riot is a good riot unless something burns to the ground be sure to set fire to anything even remotely flammable. Once the fires have started to merrily destroy buildings and other objects around you notice that the attention spans of cops are split between trying to bring the rioting crowds under control and trying to help fire crews put out the fires. At this time you should attack and capitalize on authority figures. Relieve cops of their weapons and when they fire the little tear gas projectiles in your direction be sure to toss them right back at the cops, preferably the cops without gas mask protection.

With any luck the riot you so cleverly constructed will last at least a couple of hours and at best a couple of days. Now you get to deal with the aftermath and the consequences of the riot. First things first, wash the pepper spray from your eyes. Secondly, use your one phone call to contact your attorney. Do not call friends and relatives as they cannot help you in your predicament. Thirdly, take the time to consider what possessions you can sell in order to post bail, that is if the court has not remanded you without bail. 

Last, but certainly not least, ask yourself and give great consideration as to whether or not the riot and the aftermath were worth the trouble. If they weren't then you either gave a half-assed effort or had zero clue about what you were doing. If they were worth it, bravo! Don’t let the five year prison sentence bother you. With a little good luck and a lot of good behavior you will serve only half that time and be released just in time to start another riot.

      I hope you have found my suggestions to be informative, feasible, and nothing short of pure, unadulterated mayhem. I bid you grace and peace.

Happy rioting.

When God Doesn't Forgive

And You Thought Love Conquered All

     Shalom! I have a message from Jesus. Jesus loves you very much and wants to forgive you. So long as you love one another God will love you and will be in you and His forgiveness will be in you. Remember that God's love and forgiveness are, say it with me folks, PERFECT. The man who says he loves God but hates his brother is a liar. Hummm. Maybe someone should tell the hell fire and damnation preachers of the world to stop hating their gay and lesbian and atheist brethren. What's that you say? Oh, that's right. My bad. The term 'brethren' refers only to those who are Christian and believe in the Bible and don't do anything that the professors of God claim that God hates.
     So, don't forget that it is okay to hate those and NOT forgive those who don't believe in the Bible or who are gay or lesbian since they are not to be considered brethren. And as always you must remember that Jesus loves you. If you want God's forgiveness you had best believe.

     So, we are all filthy sinners who are stained. Lovely. But remember, Jesus gets it out with religion, the stain-lifter, that's all. Jesus loves you sooooo much and wants to show you that love, but if you don't do what religion and the Bible say then you can't have this love and you WON'T have this love and you WILL NOT be forgiven. Well considering that, you can take the ideas of forgiveness and love conquering all and toss them right out the church window.

     Wait a minute. The other guy said that Jesus forgives all sin. Which is it? Does Jesus or doesn't Jesus forgive all sins with His love for you? If there are strings attached to this supposed greatest love of all that is supposed to come from the divine then this love is a fraud and does not conquer all.
     This guy should have filmed his short film of Christian enlightenment indoors. He sounds and looks like he is frozen. Hey, maybe he can use some of that mighty love and forgiveness of Jesus to thaw out.

     Forgive God and forgive the church? Lady are you high? Do you know what God and the church have done to humankind throughout the history of man? And yes, this supposed God of yours has a horrible habit of dealing people really shitty hands. I mean, look at the entire African continent, right? Need I say more about that? God seems to have real trouble reconciling His message of forgiveness with actually forgiving. In addition to that He leaves lots of 'outs' for those in religion to NOT forgive others.
     How about the history of God's own supposed chosen people? He loves them SO goddamn much and forgives them SO much that He plops them smack dab in the middle of all of the countries that hate them the most. And how about the Spanish Inquisition, violent behaviors of groups claiming to function on behalf of God, and horrible treatment of all those who have no desire to believe the cracker jack of the Bible? What about the assholes who pushed westward in North America, claiming all along that God wanted them to bring faith and love to the Native Americans? How well did that work out for the Natives? Why not ask the Native Americans...well, the tribes that are still in existence, that is?

     So, Jesus and God forgive everything...except blasphemy. So, wouldn't it them follow that love does not conquer all after all? And what the heck is the deal with the retarded analogy of the land mine in someone's house? There is no correlation there, you nitwit. A person who elects to remain in a home where he/she knows there is a landmine is a complete moron. But that is okay, right? Even though God doesn't forgive those who chose to NOT worship His crazy ass I bet He forgives the morons of the universe.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

God Is Angry, Wants To Punish America, And Has Already Started?

What Did Americans Do?

     There are so very many people ready to jump up on  the pretty little stack of screwy religious ideas of hate that are supposedly interwoven in the message of love that the Bible is supposed to carry and so freely give unto all men and women no matter who they are or where they are from.

     Does the asshole giving the commentary on this deluded video really think he is doing anyone any kind of favor? Does he think he is truly speaking for God? Is this vengeful God of his who supposedly says COME AS YOU ARE and then turns around and instructs His violent Christianity adherents (according to some not all Christians; all Christians are most certainly NOT violent fuckers) to turn on those who came as they were but  were different, is this God worthy of any kind of following whatsoever?

     There is no answer given here. All that happens is the guy tries to answer the question with another question, and it is not even a good question. This man is trying to equate the things within humanity that make people angry and afraid (rape, for example) with things that supposedly make God angry. Then he tries to take the example of this supposed righteous anger and tries very hard to make it look like the anger and violence expressed by human beings who are religious (example, those having faith in God...the right God, mind you) against human beings who want nothing to do with religion is normal, if not invited and encouraged by God.
     If you hear it the way this guy is saying it people who do not believe in God cannot do anything right and have absolutely ZERO morality within themselves or their communities. If it is not according to the Bible and the crack smoking God of the Bible it is evil and terrible and slated for hell.
     What further complicates the issue is the fact that the reasoning of people who really do believe the shit that the guy in this video is yaking about is considered completely and totally validated by the swell of anger that is justifiably given in response by people who are fucking dog-tired of this crap.

     Do you really want people to stop being angry with God? Do you really want people to come to God instead of fleeing God not because of the wrath of God, but because of the insanity of His followers? Here are a couple of pointers: Dear God, STOP telling your followers to kill people who believe differently, STOP allowing your followers to hurt people who love differently, and most of all STOP allowing pointless, senseless fighting and wars as groups differing in opinion and origin bicker over who you are and how great your mighty love is. How about that?
     You really REALLY want to stop the hate and the fighting? Then for the love of Christ PLEASE show this mighty love that this supposedly all powerful, mighty, majestic God is. The words of your own book say that love conquers all. LOVE CONQUERS ALL. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that HATE conquers all, but in many cases people would not know this because the claimed powerful lesson of love is lost in the shuffle and press of war.
     I cannot be angry with God because there is no God. I can be and have often been angry with some of those who profess to be a testimony for the love that conquers all. These kinds of people do not know anything even remotely similar to what love is. They love only themselves and live solely to conform and rush to obey a violent deity so that they may maintain their imaginary reigns of power and empty promise of perfection in a make-believe eternity.

     Okay, Mr. Only-My-God-Can-Make-Earthquakes, there is this fabulous area of study called geology. It really is an excellent area of science to study because you get to learn some very wonderful things about how this living planet that mankind inhabits functions. Of course, I do not want to overwhelm you with too much information that might frighten you and, God forbid, plant the seed that might morph into a faith-destructing weed that would strangle you straight to the hell you claim exists. No, we wouldn't want that.
     So, why don't we take baby steps and start small, okay? Good. Now, why don't you go and work on your antiquated religious ideals; once you can release your death grip on the idea that the spiritual world is flat we will move onto the next baby step.

     More hilarious mumbo-jumbo from one who obviously does not understand the anger of his own God, right? If God was so flipping angry at America and truly wanted to punish Americans, shee-it...Sarah Palin WOULD have made it to the White House.

     Speaking to the gentleman in this video: Look buddy, there are some serious holes in your...well, for the sake of throwing you a bone we will call it an the argument you presented. I will only address one of these problems because I think it is the biggest problem with what you are saying. Are you ready? Good. Listen carefully...
     ...for all of the damn near perfect things that your God supposedly created, for all of the great detail and precision that your God supposedly expressed in creating marvels such as galaxies, stars, DNA, the immune system, reproduction in any species, the brain, the five senses as well as innumerable other amazing complexities...are you seriously going to stand or sit there and try to convince people that this precise God of great detail is going to suddenly turn around and do something so imprecise as dishing out punishment and forcing those punished to GUESS what they are being punished for?

     Look lady, you are not in the least bit concerned with doing anything God wants you to do. You are concerned with saving YOUR ass from some ginormous judgment that ends with the penalty of an eternity of hell. You say the things you say and preach the things you preach EVEN WHEN PEOPLE DON'T CARE TO HEAR SUCH GARBAGE because you think that this will save your ass from some horrible spiritual sentence.
     Lady, there is either something hideously wrong with your spiritual teachings (scriptures) that you are working from, or there is something equally seriously wrong with how you, an obviously bitter crone, are interpreting your version of scriptures. You worship a mean and terrible and elusive, self-loving God. If such a God existed He would deserve nothing more than the lack of love that you show all those who choose to believe differently than you, and nothing less than a good heaping helping of His own medicine.

     Listen, you stupid bitch...there is something called weather. Maybe you have heard of it. It is hateful and delusional people like you who give whatever faith it is that they worship a bad name. Sometimes the processes of this planet can be scary whether it is a storm, hurricane, blizzard, quake, tsunami, sinkholes...the list goes on forever. The natural processes of this planet are not punishment for any fucking thing. Not one.
     Your campy audio effects and absurdly misinformed interpretations of reality do nothing to further your cause. You and people like you are in fact your own oppression. Your version of God is no less violent and deluded than every other similar faith throughout the history of man and religion. You and every religiously oppressive individual or group from anywhere in the world always claim with great pride that your God/Allah is one of great love, that He sustains you and provides for you.
     The ugly truth of your faith and Christianity and institutionalized religion and ALL violent faiths is that the ONLY love to be found in your brand of religion is the love of the POWER your deity has supposedly given you over all who do not believe and think and live the same as you do. Even worse is the manner in which your terrible God/Allah sustains you by providing you with promises of victory unto all like you and death to all others. Has man really and truly come this far just to destroy himself and all the possibilities for love and beauty over such an insignificant thing as self-righteous and haughty power?

     The implications of what you are saying as to how God would deal with children is so very disturbing. What the fuck happened to your message of love that the God in your Bible instructed you to show others? What does John 13:34-35 say: "A new commandment I give unto you that you love one another as I have loved you. By this shall all men know you are my disciples if you have love one for another."
     No doubt you will whip out every conceivable verse that speaks of God destroying the wicked (the wicked being those who are quite succinctly pointed out as all those who would believe differently than you). You will relay every story from your hateful Bible that speaks of God decimating and murdering all those who think and follow and live and breathe and love differently from you.
     Do you seriously NOT see the inconsistent and severely bipolar nature of the one in whom you choose to sink your every savings of trust? One moment He says to show one another love and the next minute is telling you to shun individuals in same-sex relationships, to pray for the deaths of those who desire to believe differently or not at all, to encourage your children to think only in lines of separation, and WORST OF ALL to perpetuate the seriously fucked up ideal that there is no hope for mankind outside of the Bible and its hideous creator.

     The mournful belch of bagpipes playing Amazing Grace do absolutely jack shit to detract from the terrible claims and twisted verses and insinuations of this asinine video.

     I am not really sure what is worse: people who actually believe and follow this shit, or the embarrassing stupidity of the narrator. Every religion clings to prophecy and vision, but those are not the only things they have in common. Every violent religion and every violent religious follower of ANY religion clings tenaciously to bits of scripture and holy words that are nothing more than the ramblings of those suffering from low spiritual self-esteem desperately seeking any kind of power that will lift them higher than everyone else.
     Another thing, this whack job drones on and on about destruction and judgment and death, but then at the very end quite cheerily says God bless. You know what, sir? Fuck off. The basis for your proposed faith is centered completely around death. Making things worse is your fear of death which is so strong it smothers your sense of love and compassion completely, prompting you to mistreat and abuse others.

     Listen to the words of the song at the beginning of the video. There is a line that says something along the lines of "I don't want your money, I just want your life." Boy, if that is not the bitter truth I don't know what is. These pathological individuals can be heard here saying that Jesus loves everyone, but that those who do not agree don't understand the kind of HATE that is God's hate. Whatever man. What fucking ever. We're just going to leave it there.

     Here is another fine example of why many people are simply fed up with certain individuals within religion.  I say it like that because not everyone within religion is an asshole who tries to force what is far too often manifested as a dilapidated faith upon those around them. The woman here is a fine example of what is wrong, completely wrong, with religion. Her message is not one of salvation or faith as she apparently thinks it is. At its very bare bones the argument she presents is this: Believe and live this way or die.
     Oh, and for the record Ma'm, I am not afraid of your God because He does not exist. You are arguing for something that does not exist. In addition to that, the Devil does not fear God because, like God, the Devil does not exist. Something that does not exist cannot elicit fear just as something that does not exist cannot produce fear in response to something that does not exist trying to elicit fear.

     Have I been led to errantly believe that God is a God consisting only of love? No, but I wager many many others have but not from what you are thinking. Your very own myopic faith is what led people to believe that God is only love. Remember your own Bible says that God is love and everlasting and forgiving and gracious. It also says love is patient and kind and persevering and more. So if this love is everlasting and if this love is God and if God is eternal...honey you need to rework your argument because it does not just have a few holes. It has no bottom to it at all.

     There is ONE apostasy and that apostasy is that your Bible and your faith places limits on the love of your God, a love that is supposed to be eternal. The moment you come across someone who will not bend to your lethal brand of faith you purposely, and with great malice strive to redefine this eternal love of your God so that your inexcusable behavior and hatred can be explained away.

     I understand where this person is coming from and what he is trying to say. Unfortunately, by saying that all religions are facing elimination in some kind of grand end-of-all-time event he very deftly hops right into the boat and takes a seat with all of the religions of the world that profess a faith or set of ideals based on a believe-this-way-or-die philosophy.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Promoting the Wrath of an Angry God: Can YOU be frightened into believing in God?

The Machiavelli Gospel of the Bible

     Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527) was a man with quite an amazing mind. Whether or not you choose to believe this man was a 'good guy' or a 'bad guy' has no place in this discussion; remember, history has provided many examples of bad guys having great minds. Personally, I find it quite apparent that the energy that drives everything in the universe is not in the least bit discriminate of which individuals receive a great mind and understand what they can do with it. Basically, if you've got it you've got it. If you don't then you don't. That particular argument has far more to offer, but that is for another day and another blog.

     Anyways, this Machiavelli fellow penned a book named "The Prince." In this book Machiavelli stated that  social benefit in politics could be achieved but that those grasping the reigns of power needed to be willing to behave in an immoral manner when necessary. Threats and violence were considered necessary to keep resistant people in their place and to do away with political rivals to power. 

     Basically, Machiavelli proposed that whatever the goal of the individual(s) in power it was perfectly fine to do whatever necessary in order to achieve the goal.

     Machiavelli presented these ideas almost 500 years ago. Unfortunately, in the recent past and in modern society there are plenty of people and businesses and politicians who utilize such thuggish tactics as they hunt down the goals they have set for themselves. 

     However, what I find most disturbing is many religious dogmas and groups and leaders have repeatedly shown that they are NOT above utilizing Machiavelli tactics as they vie for bodies to fill church pews and souls to fill the pearly gates.

     We all know the arguments presented by the Bible and by Bible-based faiths. The short version goes something like this:

          God loves everyone. Everyone sins. Jesus is the Son of God and was crucified so that all the sin of those who would believe in Jesus would be washed away. Everyone else is slated for hell and immense suffering no matter who they are, where they come from, or what they do. The world is bad and evil, a terrible place that is only getting worse. The world will end soon. If you want to go to heaven after the world goes up in a big ball of flame you MUST accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior. If you do not believe in Jesus Christ and accept him into your heart then you can put your head between your knees and kiss your spiritual ass goodbye. 

     Considering all that let us take a gander at Machiavelli tactics utilized in religion. What are the lies, the threats, the pictures of spiritual and physical suffering that are painted for the would-be believer and believer alike?

     Johnathan Edwards (1703-1758) was a revivalist preacher who found no shame in scaring the bejeezus out of people in order to get them to comply with the message of the Bible and the requirements for salvation and admittance to heaven. My favorite sermon of his is "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," which opens with, "Unconverted men walk over the pit of hell." Nothing like coming right out with the claim instead of beating around the bush or making people guess.

    I always found the argument of Jesus-Loves-You-So-Believe-In-Him-Or-Else to be amazingly stupid and devoid of anything reminiscent of logic. In his sermon Edwards goes on to say that for those who choose to NOT believe in God, God has many, many ways with which He disposes such people as He punches their one-way ticket to hell. All aboard!! Go to this link to hear the sermon for yourself:

     In a 1958 sermon given in Charlotte, Billy Graham was more than happy to set the spiritual tone to the key of No-One-Knows-If-They-Will-Be-Alive-Tomorrow-So-Believe-In-Jesus-Now-To-Cover-Your-Ass. For a God whose love is purported to be so grand, wonderful, all-encompassing, and eternal many preachers seem to think that the flies-to-honey routine ought to be forsaken. Forget saving people with nice stories about God. Just tell them how mighty and mean God can and will be, that way you get more converts right from the start. Make people who are searching for more meaning in their lives so ever-loving afraid of everything that they take your Jesus-bait hook, line, and sinker. I could not find audio for this speech, but here is the link to the written version:

     How about some of the sermons of Jerry Falwell? This guy was a real ray of sunshine, right? His theory on why 9/11 occurred was that America has 'fallen away' from God and God allowed the terrible disaster to happen as a wake-up call for people to turn back to Him. If people do NOT turn back to God, even after the terror of 9/11, then God will allow more of the same. Falwell even included verses in his sermon as evidence of the supposed truth he was spouting...I mean preaching:

     I would be remiss if I did not include a sermon by religious charlatan Benny Hinn. In this particular sermon Hinn preaches that there are demons all around, more than ever before, and that many present wars are more spiritual than people realize. These demons are fighting for the souls of mankind. Convert to Jesus NOW lest you fall prey to the demons who are on stand-by and ready to pounce on your soul if you die without accepting Jesus as your personal savior...because Jesus said if you believe in Him he will save you and keep you from harm. If you choose anything other than God and Jesus you are in effect choosing defeat. Listen to this sermon as it is deliciously hilarious:

     In this next link you will find Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell together making outlandish claims that the reason why bad things are happening to Americans in America is because God is unhappy with our culture and society. Americans had better shape-up lest God get really REALLY pissed and send our asses to hell without letting us pack an overnight bag. Oh, and as you listen to this bullshit keep in mind God loves you and only wants what is best for you. Much like Hallmark does on happy occasions, God means the very best when he sends disaster your way:

     Jimmy Swaggart delivers an animated sermon on why simply being a good person will NOT be adequate bus fare to make it to heaven. So, if you do not believe in God it does not matter if people think you are good or if you are in fact good. This is a matter of life and death for all people. The devil will punch your ticket if you don't accept Jesus:

     Joyce Meyer is far happier, far more positive in her sermon approach to salvation, right? She also has a nice...oh, shall we call it 'religious moxie' to help folks turn to Christ as she has a gift for injecting just the right amount of humor in her sermons. Her sermons strike me as being more along the lines of something you would hear in a prison service on Sunday, "Jesus does not care what you have done! He loves you! God wants to be your friend and he loves EVERYONE no matter what! All you have to do is believe. God's blood is the stain remover in your life! He will erase your sin!! He forgives you! Run to Him!" Believe NOW and give God an opportunity to ruin...I mean FIX your life:

     Check out this video clip of preacher Creflo Dollar (yes, that is his real last name). I love the cheesy dramatic music at the very beginning, right? It totally reminded me of the thundering, edge-of-your-seat music that CNN uses anytime a new war breaks out somewhere on the planet (usually the Middle East). If you decide to swallow the pish-posh Creflo spouts you will understand that Satan is purposely misleading you and trying to drag your soul straight to hell with as little fight from you as possible. You just gotta watch out for that damned Satan as he is pressuring you to leave the will of God. Do these people know how flipping stupid they sound? There is ZERO logic to what they say. If you point that out to them they will immediately say that logic and the search for logic in the salvation of Jesus Christ is one of the worst tricks of the devil/Satan as he sneakily tries to get you to think God's love for your makes no sense:

     It is apparent that the message of love in the Bible is just not enough to make people choose God all on their own. God wants everyone to go to heaven (although we know everyone will not be there) and the best way to get people to listen to the message of the gospel of the Bible and take their place in heaven with Jesus is to scare the shit out of them, give them bad dreams, and threaten them with various unpalatable consequences of refusing the horse-shit message of fire and damnation.

     Niccolo Machiavelli, I think, would be proud of the efforts taken by those within religion to steer people in a specific direction, to direct the action and thinking of people who are in all reality scared out of their fucking minds and all because some pulpit-hopping nut has convinced them there is no hope for the world and mankind EXCEPT the Bible's offering of salvation. Whether the threats are direct to the unbeliever or perhaps even threatening to those that the unbeliever holds dear and loves, Machiavelli would see that at least as far as religion goes it is truly no-holds-barred as whatever needs to be done and must be done in order to turn people to Jesus and God and Salvation...and such behavior and tactics are truly the BEST example of Machiavelli's assertion that the ends does indeed justify the means.

     Here are some more sermons and some are more fiery in nature than others. Some of them take a few minutes for the preacher to work himself up into a rabid spiritual frenzy: